5 Things You Should Do Before Giving Your Kid a Smartphone

5 Things You Should Do Before Giving Your Kid a Smartphone

Getting a smartphone is a thrilling moment in any kid’s life, but it’s not one for parents to take lightly. Between accessing inappropriate content and cyberbullying, to device addiction and the myriad mental health challenges that emerge when kids spend too much time online, it’s a good idea for parents to set up some healthy foundations.

Here are 5 tips to help you prepare.

1. Take an inventory of your family’s strengths and challenges with digital media and devices.

Before you bring a phone into the mix, it’s a good idea to get a clear-eyed picture of where there are already struggles–and strengths! Take this short assessment “Is your child ready for their first smartphone?” for some personalized tips and strategies you can begin to implement right away based on your family’s unique circumstances. Putting these in place gives you a foundation and some structure you can draw on to help them develop healthy skills.

We also suggest sooner than later connecting with your kids friends’ parents to create consistent rules across households. This builds redundancy al leaves less room for “But Ollie’s mom lets her play until midnight!”

2. Set up regular family meetings (and include tech talk)

Especially as they get older—and start rolling their eyes at the mere thought of connecting with their cringe parents—having a regular time to connect, listen, and share becomes pretty precious. Take time to build rapport, create fun rituals, and engage your child to participate in ways that use their strengths: decorating the table, making snacks, taking notes (can be visual!), or even leading the meeting.

Even if you talk about tech a lot during the week, having this special time together offers a chance to slow down and be real together. Ask about their online interests and notice if you are feeling judgy. Creating a safe space to raise their concerns is an ongoing job but well worth it. If they feel judged over time, they will close down and/or hide things from you.

3. Create a flexible digital agreement

Kids’ brains are not developed enough to be responsible on their own; they need adults to help them practice. In most cases, this is a long, iterative, and non-linear path. As a way to help them identify and meet goals, we recommend a flexible family agreement that you can reflect on in the weekly meetings and adjust regularly.

You can include things like:

• When and where it’s OK to use devices, and for how long

• What devices and content are OK and which are hard “nos”

• What happens at friends’ houses?

• What real world obligations must be tended to before device use

• Consequences for breaking the agreement

Set achievable goals, and use meeting time to reflect on progress. It can be frustrating, but stay with it. Invite your kids to suggest solutions to difficult problems. This increased their buy-in and also makes it more likely that they’ll follow through.

We urge you to make a rule that changes to the agreement only happen after a conversation at the family meeting. Do not get into the habit of changing the agreement on the fly; that paves the way for a lot more battles.

4. Teach digital literacy and safety

As kids begin using digital media it’s a good idea for them to learn some basics of the digital world.

• Privacy settings: Show them how to adjust settings on apps to control who can see their information.

• Recognizing scams & misinformation: Teach them to be skeptical of messages from strangers, too-good-to-be-true deals, and clickbait articles.

• Avoiding cyberbullying: Discuss what cyberbullying looks like, how to respond, and when to seek help.

• Managing screen time: Help them recognize what too much screen time feels like in their body.

• Prioritizing mental health: Talk about feelings of FOMO or comparison and healthy strategies for managing those

5. Support Your Child’s Growing Independence

Adolescence is a pivotal time for young people to explore their identity, values, and sense of belonging. They need safe opportunities to navigate these questions, in the real world and in digital spaces. As they grow, they naturally seek more independence, often looking beyond the family unit to peers, online communities, and personal interests. This shift is not inherently negative—it’s a necessary part of development. However, balance is key.

Start with a basic or flip phone or watch. Use parental controls at home and keep them limited. Let your child know you are looking for them to make good choices so you can increase their freedoms. If they don’t make these good choices, they will not get the freedoms until they do.

Parents can support this process by fostering open communication, setting thoughtful boundaries, and encouraging self-reflection and exploration. Guide your teen toward healthy, constructive ways to engage with new ideas and communities. This might include discussing digital citizenship, setting screen-free times for deeper in-person connections, and–importantly–modeling responsible online behavior yourself.

By embracing their need for autonomy while maintaining boundaries and a strong connection, you help them grow into confident, responsible young adults.